What Doens't Kill You
by lordofthepringles
Summary: Reid finds some unwanted attention in someone unexpected and turns to Luke for help.


Summers in Oakdale were always humid and hot and Reid hated them. It had been humid in Dallas, but at least there he could find things to entertain himself like medical bookstores where he could spend hours in the air conditioning reading about brains and here the only bookstore was in Old Town and it specialized in children's books. He didn't like miniature humans very much because they carried too many germs and always asked questions that made him want to throw books at them.

He couldn't help that he had been a boy genius, but the children today were so stupid and he blamed Casey and Allison. He wasn't sure why but they were both blonde and annoying and were now working on their third kid in five years. He walked around Old Town some more trying to figure out if he wanted a frozen coffee drink, to take his chances on the bookstore, or just head back to work.

He was just deciding on Java's when he turned around and ran straight into Lucinda Walsh. He and Lucinda had always had an uneasy relationship because of his history with Luke and his penchant for pissing off board members of the hospital, and she was definitely one.

"Mr. Oliver, maybe you should watch where you are going so that you don't try and break my hip?"

"You mean again, Lucinda?"

"Now, Reid. Is that anyway to talk to a board member of the hospital? Did you forget that your contract is up for renewal this month?"

"No. I know it is, but really, Lucinda. Who are you going to find to replace me? We both know that I am the by far the best neurosurgeon in the world and I chose to stay in this godforsaken town."

"Just because you are brilliant at your job, does not mean you are not expendable."

"Lucinda, quit trying to threaten me. When you actually find someone better at me than my job, then I might consider taking you seriously, but then you'd be dead since that's not happening for at least 10 years."

"You expect me to be dead in ten years?"

"Aren't you older than Methuselah?"

"Very funny, Reid."

"I know it is. Thank you for affirmation."

"If you'll excuse me I need to pick up baked goods for the meeting later. You will be there?"

"Of course. Bob would never let me miss a boring meeting."

Lucinda chuckled gleefully as she walked toward the bakery.

Six hours later Reid was entering his office and drinking his now melted coffee drink and inhaling a doughnut. He just finished the last delicious bite when his door swung open. Lucinda walked in and dropped her briefcase on one of his chairs and stalked toward him.

Reid was simultaneously terrified and a tiny bit intrigude.

"What's going on, Lucinda? Did you forget your manners?"

"How long are we going to dance around this animal attraction of ours, Reid?"

Reid was shocked speechless and tried to come up with some sort of rebuttal.

Lucinda walked closer and stroked her fingers down his cheek to his chest and then up into his hair,

"What's the matter, Reidy poo, cat got your tongue?"

Reid stuttered in shock,

"Wh...Wha... What are you doing, Lucinda?"

"I'm finally making the first move. We've dance around this far too long. You want me and I want you and we should just stop fighting it."

Lucinda licked his cheek to his ear and Reid rolled his chair as far back as he could until he was up against the wall.

"Lucinda, what has gotten into you? I'm gay, remember? I like dick and chest hair and the whole male form. I love it. I do not find women attractive at all. I mean, yeah, there was some experimenting in college, but all male for me all the time now."

"Don't fight it, Reid. You know that you love sparring with me. Admit it. It's better than sex."

"Nothing is better than sex. Sex is pretty much best thing ever."

Lucinda dropped into Reid's lap and quickly stuck her tongue in his mouth. She was like a honey badger refusing to let up and Reid thought for sure he would lose consciousness soon.

She finally let him up for air and quickly ripped her shirt open. Buttons flew everywhere and Reid couldn't help but stare in horror as her breasts were heaving as she straddled him again.

She grabbed Reid's hands and placed them on her chest,

"Oh yes, Reid. Feel these. My nipples are so hard for you. I haven't felt the touch of man's hands in so long."

Lucinda held his hands in place and began to grind down on Reid and before Reid could pull away or complain he could feel himself responding. He couldn't believe it. He was actually getting turned on by a woman?

He tried to rationalize it and justify it away. It was only because she was being so dominant and he did like sparring with her and it was only a physical thing. His body had to react to the stimulation because it was designed to do so.

And then Lucinda was whispering breathy words into his ear about how much she hated him, how much she wanted to fire him, how she couldn't because he was the best there was, but she loathed him entirely and Reid kept getting harder and harder until finally one last thrust down from her and he felt himself tipping over the edge.

Reid sat up in a fine sheen of sweat in horror. He looked around and saw the clock on the side table said 4:43 a.m. He was shaking too in what he could only describe as a mix between terror and horror.

He shook his bed partner awake.

He heard a slight groan and then a blonde head popped up from under the covers,

"What time is it, Reid?"

"It's almost 5 a.m., but I need your help."

"I'm not giving you "help" at 5 a.m., Reid. Go back to bed and wake me up in a few hours."

"You don't understand, Luke. I had a nightmare."

"So?"

"About your grandmother."

Luke sat up and was suddenly interested.

"Which one?"

"What do you mean which one. The only one you could have a nightmare about. Lucinda."

"Did you have the flying monkey and broom one again?"

"Worse."

"How much worse?"

"Think worst dream ever."

"Lucinda burned all the books on brains in the world and left you without reading material?"

"Even worse."

"Worse than_ that?_ You're going to have to help me out here, Reid."

"Idreamedihadsexwither."

"A little slower please."

"I dreamed I had sex with her."

Luke burst out laughing.

"You had sex with Lucinda in your dream? Was it any good?"

Luke burst out laughing again and was holding his stomach.

"It's not funny! It's deeply disturbing and..." Reid looked down at his crotch.

Luke gasped and pulled the sheets back to show a very wet stain on the front of Reid's pajama pants.

"OH MY GOD! You had a wet dream about my grandmother and you came in your sleep!"

Luke was laughing uncontrollably again.

"I couldn't help it, Luke. She was like a nymphomaniac. She was holding me down and grinding.."

Luke grimaced, "Eww, Reid. I don't want to hear the details. Although, I'm sure grandmother would love to."

Luke started laughing uncontrollably again and reached for his phone.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm going to leave my grandmother a voicemail to have lunch today. She's going to love this."

"Luke you can't! I'll never be able to look her in the eyes again!"

Luke put his phone down and told Reid to lay back down.

Reid could still feel Luke laughing his off silently and tried to shove Luke off him.

"Reid, honey, it's fine. I've had sex dreams about all sorts of people. I even had one about Allison once."

"Really?"

"Yeah and it meant nothing. Besides, I think I know what's going on."

"You do?"

"Lucinda reminds you of us and how we started out as nothing but antagonistic that turned to love. Her spars with you are liked ours were and while ours excited you, you subconciously relate verbal sparring as foreplay. Totally understable."

"Were you reading psychology magazines at the dentist again?

"Admit it, Reid. You love it when we do it and verbal sparring is our foreplay."

"Fine, I'll admit it, but this stays between us."

"I promise."

Later that afternoon Reid joined Luke for lunch at the Lakeview. They were just beginning their salads when Lucinda showed up and Luke invited her to stay. He turned to Reid with a sparkle in his eye and said,

"This_ is_ okay with you right, Reid? I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable."

Lucinda looked bewildered, "Why would Reid be uncomfortable by my presence?"

Luke just laughed as Reid glared at him.

Lucinda turned to Reid,

"I make you uncomfortable, Reid?"

Luke just kept laughing.

"No, not at all, Lucinda."

Luke finally stopped laughing long enough to tell Lucinda,

"Reid just doesn't like all the verbal sparring you two do."

"What's the matter Reid you can't handle it?"

Luke burst out laughing again,

"That's exactly it, grandmother. Reid really,_ really_ can't handle it. You should've seen him last night having nightmares and everything."

"Oh, I get it, Reid. I'm too much for you to handle."

Luke was nearly double over by that point and Reid threw his napkin on the table.

"Lucinda, by all means I can_ handle_ anything you dish my way. Now if you'll excuse us, I need to speak to my boyfriend."

Lucinda stared at them with look of bewilderment as Luke continued to laugh the entire way out of the restaurant.

"Thanks, Luke for that. You're a jerk."

"I'm sorry, baby. I would suggest we get a room and I make it up to you, but then I'm afraid you'd be thinking of Lucinda the whole time and that's just weird."

Reid nearly growled and took off after a laughing Luke.

"That's right, Luke. You better run."


End file.
